Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (or England depending on application date)
Atomic Hire (on behalf of the Queen)
About the role
The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland is urgently seeking a new Prime Minister to start as soon as possible.
This highly sought after position requires the candidate to guide a traumatised nation through a horrible breakup, so may include eating ice cream while watching terrible movies on the couch.
Without any sense of irony, the new Prime Minister must convince the nation that leaving the EU was a good idea, while any country thinking of leaving the UK will surely face economic ruin.
Surviving getting stabbed in the back and answering questions with one you wish you’d been asked are fundamental aspects of the role.
You will have free reign to set economic, foreign and domestic policies as long as it’s not what the opposition party are suggesting.
Previous prime ministers have come from such diverse backgrounds as Oxford (St Hugh's College), Oxford (Brasenose College), Edinburgh University (somewhere up north apparently), Oxford (St John's College) Oxford (Somerville College), Oxford (Balliol College) and many other diverse backgrounds. Hiring from diverse backgrounds is our top priority!
Success in this role will guarantee you a stable job for up to 3 months and may even earn you a mediocre book deal once the next Prime minister is more hated than you.
• Ability to babysit house of commons, crying toddlers or any similar group of badly behaved children.
• Can ask ‘still cool?’ in all 24 different european languages.
• Must supply own crystal ball to determine ‘will of the people’.
• Ability to smile while ‘appreciating’ English wine in front of cameras.
• Willing to wear high visibility jackets and hardhats whenever you are accused of being ‘out of touch’.
• Can predict that zip lining across London while middle aged will end badly.
• Able to swim across the English Channel (just in case).
Slightly more than Putin’s official salary but much less than Putin’s dog’s.
Less than you’d like but enough to keep you from understanding the majority of voters.
Not up for debate, yet
All applications are to be sent to Atomic Hire, the only recruitment tool capable of handling such numerous and high quality candidates. The shortlisted applicants will be shared on our website and our new Prime Minister will be invited to an illustrious swearing in ceremony outside the houses of parliament.
London, United Kingdom